Social Recruitment: Engaging Students By Speaking Their Language

When I assumed the role of marketing and recruitment for the UNB Saint John Master of Business Administration Program this summer, my director asked me for a revolution in marketing. Our team wanted to increase the intake of the program, entice more qualified applicants, and build our brand recognition in the domestic and international markets. I felt this “marketing revolution” he was calling for was really social media, and when I told him, he was more than a little surprised. Despite his skepticism, he agreed to have my colleague and I undergo one-on-one mentoring with Sociallogical to learn more about interacting online with potential students.
0151
A snapshot of the fair in Mumbai, India

Upon meeting Jeff Roach of Sociallogical, it was immediately clear that we represented two very different comfort levels with social media. Michelle was under the impression we were going to build a UNBSJ MBA program personality online and push out news and events as they occurred. She was not prepared to personalize the program by divulging information about herself, and preferred to speak with the MBA voice. I, on the other hand, had been sharing my interests and hobbies through Facebook for several years and the thought of speaking about the program through my own avatar did not intimidate me. Jeff immediately split us up and began building upon our strengths and identifying our weaknesses.

Jeff taught us how to deliver content that was relevant to potential students by listening to the conversation, rather than pushing out what we felt was relevant. He helped us find our place in social media, and build profiles which appropriately reflected our brand and suited the medium. He assisted us in streamlining the different platforms, and the integration of social media into our overall marketing and communications strategy.

 
009
UNB Saint John Booth pre-fair
 We learned to stop trying to control our brand so tightly; to rely on organic and evolving conversations from our staff, alumni, current students, and potential students to promote the program. Once the questions become technical in nature, Michelle and I will step into the online medium and begin contributing to the conversation (that is if we hadn’t already!).

We are still in the early stages of social media adaptation. We want the inclination towards social media (Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc.) to become second-nature to our staff. Our instinct should be to tap into these channels to address the needs of candidates as part of a proactive business approach. Michelle is slowly divulging more information about herself and connecting one on one with students. Despite this, we do have some results we can share:

  • 30% increase in the number of candidates seeking our booth at the recent QS World MBA Fair (and they had completed prior research on our program)
  • 225 followers on twitter (up from 35 when we began working with Sociallogical)
  • tweets are reaching 65 people on average
  • 107 unique visitors to our blog in the past month alone (Canada, India, Mexico & the US)
  • averaging 2000 hits to our website daily
  • 3 months into our recruitment season, we’ve accepted 20% of our student goal

If someone had told me in the beginning that I would spend more time communicating with students via Facebook, Google Talk and e-mail than over the phone or in person, I wouldn’t have believed it. So far we’re excited about the results of getting social.

We look forward to further integration and the market growth we expect as a result.

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION IN VOLUNTEER AND DONOR MANAGEMENT

Recently I had a bad experience with a non-profit I had worked diligently with for a number of years; serving first at the leadership level and then as a consistent and passionate volunteer and donor. Our relationship ended because I was frustrated at the lack of communication between the organization and its volunteers, as well as between the organization and the community at large. Our break-up was the result of several incidents where I felt left out of the loop. This culminated in being treated in a condescending manner for asking, what I still feel, were completely appropriate questions regarding the future plans of the organization. 

I still have mixed feelings about this break-up, as I believe in the concept of the non-profit, and to be honest, our break-up has left a huge hole in my life. If one of the senior management personnel from this organization were to call me today, apologize, and ask me to come back, I would probably be there in a heartbeat. The challenge is; aside from a brief conversation when I returned the equipment necessary for my volunteer work and informed the organization I would no longer be working with them, no one has followed up. In fact, they have continued to take steps which have further alienated me.

Piggy-bank-non-profit-organization

This recent experience has led to this blog post on the importance of communication in Volunteer and Donor relationship management. To fully understand how to manage communication effectively, it is first important to understand what communication is, and by extension, what is not communication.

The Definition of Communication: The word communication itself is derived from the Latin word communis, which means to share. Communicating requires that the communicating parties share an area of commonality. Feedback is critical to effective communication between parties. It is therefore not enough to send a message out and ignore responses to that communication. Announcing a change or plan for an organization to its stakeholders without considering their feedback to said plan defeats the purpose of communicating. Without careful consideration of input, and quite often modification of plans to accommodate feedback, there is no buy in for the planned change. For example, if a non-profit or charity suddenly decided to change its mandate without proper communication to its stakeholders, what incentive do those stakeholders have to continue to contribute to the organization?

Why Communication is CRITICAL to managing effective volunteer and donor relationships: Non-profit organizations need to begin thinking of their volunteers and donors as assets who make the most successful brand ambassadors; and stop considering them as threats to the success and stability of the organization. Volunteers and donors need to be informed of; in a consistent and timely manner, changes to the organization and how their efforts are contributing to the mandate of the organization. Many volunteers and donors do not wish to be recognized in a flashy or demonstrative way, but instead prefer a quiet thanks and the opportunity to have influence in the organization. A change in plan, a dire financial situation, or even new products, should never come as a surprise to your volunteers or donors. They should, instead, be kept up to date on changes as soon as possible, and informed on how decisions have impacted the organization. As a result of this communication your donors and volunteers can act as support through difficult times in the community. Reading about organizational changes on facebook or in the newspaper do not count as effective donor and volunteer communication.

Using your donors and volunteers as a focus group: By continually keeping your stakeholders up to date on changes in the organization, and accepting their feedback with consideration, you end up with a highly engaged, built in focus group. This group can be used for everything from re-branding, to brainstorming for fundraising. By tapping into this group, an organization will never walk into uncharted territory completely unsupported. As a non-profit, there is next to nothing that should not be shared with this group, aside from information protected under privacy laws. By not volunteering this information as it comes to light, the non-profit organization will only anger and alienate their most engaged and valuable assets, their volunteers and donors.

Article-page-main_ehow_images_a06_uh_ij_non-profit-organization-dissolution_-800x800

Completing exit interviews and receiving criticism without getting defensive: I realize that non-profits have limited resources and completing an exit interview for each volunteer who walks away from an organization is not always feasible. However, when an organization loses a long time or very active volunteer, it is vital that a senior management person perform an exit interview. Follow up with that volunteer to find out why they are leaving the organization, what could be improved upon, and take that opportunity to thank them for their dedication and hard work. Most importantly, be prepared to receive feedback you may not like or with which you may disagree. Be prepared to receive this feedback without being defensive and criticizing the volunteer. Take this opportunity to smooth out any hurt or negative feelings about the organization.

I realize it may feel uncomfortable for non-profits to be consistently sharing information, and it may feel like it is resource intensive. However, it doesn't have to be. A monthly newsletter followed by the occasional meeting, or a quick conversation over the phone, is often enough to keep volunteer and donors updated on the organization's progress, and as a result, feeling valued. 

 

 

RECRUITING IN INCREDIBLE INDIA

I absolutely love my job. I have probably mentioned it before, but I thoroughly enjoy getting out of bed and heading into work…especially when I have meetings with our students to look forward to. I think that is what makes our program at UNB Saint John special. Each staff and faculty member is passionate about their work, and really enjoys the opportunity to learn as much from our students as they are learning from us. I consider myself fortunate, as not everyone can honestly say they are passionate about their work. These past few days has made me love my job even more, as I spend time recruiting for the UNB MBA Program in Incredible India. 

243

I have had the opportunity to spend a layover in Zurich, Switzerland, and took advantage of the opportunity of being in India to see one of the Seven Wonders of the World, the Taj Mahal. I am currently in Delhi, and before this recruitment trip is over I will be visiting Mumbai, Hyderabad, and Bangalore. I also get to experience Frankfurt, Germany, on my way home as I take in another layover in Europe.

(download)

Being here in India for the very first time (and off my home continent for the first time ever) has given me the opportunity to grasp some of the experiences my Indian students, alumni, and friends talk about on a daily basis. What an incredible country, a fascinating culture, and a diverse population!

064

As a result of this trip, I look forward to introducing my home country, Canada, to a new crop of MBA students in the fall of 2012. Incredible India is certainly a fitting tagline for the colourful and vibrant country. 

 

MBA STUDENTS KICK OFF YEAR INSPIRED!

We want inspired students. We want students that think creatively,  work hard, play even harder, and have unique perspectives on old problems. We want students who are excited, who see nothing but endless potential and possibilities. We work hard to recruit those students, and once they have arrived we work even harder to ensure they reach their full potential.
 
Recently my position at UNBSJ changed and I am now responsible for the recruitment and employment of MBA Students, and this has become my mantra. Aside from the opportunity to travel a few times a year, I have had the pleasure of meeting some incredible candidates. It always astounds me that these potential students are considering uprooting their family, leaving their job, and the security of their country to come and study in a foreign place. It takes courage. It is also heartwarming to see that they develop a love of Saint John, and many wish to stay here upon their graduation.

Because we want to kick of the new year of MBA students with a bang, and because we want them to experience some of the best Saint John has to offer, we purchased one hundred and twenty tickets for our full time, part time, and executive MBA students to attend SPARK on October 6th, 2011 at Saint John’s Harbour Station.

Spark

SPARK is a high impact event designed to encourage people from all walks of life to try, risk, and dare to be leaders and entrepreneurs. Its goal is to challenge people to be the best that they can be.
 
It features world-class leaders Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, and Danny Williams. These larger than life personalities will be discussing their experiences and wisdom on topics such as leadership, innovation, problem solving and creativity.

For sixty of those one hundred and twenty students it will be day three of their first week of the UNBSJ MBA Program. This experience will be an opportunity to get a flavour of Saint John and our business community.

These sixty students come from a variety of countries; India, China, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, UK, Iran, Pakistan, Mexico, and, of course, Canada. They have diverse backgrounds in IT, banking, manufacturing, health, and natural resources. They have anywhere between 3 and 15 years of experience, and 90% of them would happily nab the opportunity to work and live in Saint John.

From an employment coordinator’s perspective it is the first opportunity they will have to put their best foot forward and network with potential employers. It also forces them out of the “millidgeville bubble” and puts them squarely into the #livelifeuptown atmosphere.

So, if you are with a company who is always looking for bright, worldly and driven people, I would invite you to come out and meet some of our students on October 6th and, of course, listen to Donald Trump’s stories on life.

I am really looking forward to hearing from Mr. Giuliani and his experiences during 9/11 as the Mayor of New York City, and from Mr. Williams on his role in turning Newfoundland into a “have” province.  

Personally, the most exciting person on that line-up may very well be Danny Williams, however, I have to respect the draw of Donald Trump.

GUEST BLOGGER - #FUSIONSJ LEARNS ABOUT KEY INDUSTRIES CHARITABLE FOUNDATION

It's Guest Blogger Time, and this one comes from Sean Payne. Ideally it would be up on the FUSION website, but where we aren't going live until later this month, my blog will have to do! 

Seanp

Mr. Sean Payne – Picture Courtesy of MT&L's Website

 There’s definitely something special about summertime in uptown Saint John; meeting friends after work is so much sweeter when mittens and galoshes don’t play into it. And socializing in the name of a good cause adds a dash more decency to the mix.

July 22 is the date for this month’s FUSION Saint John Party with a Purpose, to be held in The White Room at 115 Prince William Street from 5:30 pm – 7 pm.

The focus of this particular Friday night affair will be the Key Industries Charitable Foundation. Christine Evans – President of Key Industries – will be part of the evening to share details about the organization and some of its many stories of success.

For more than 35 years, Key Industries has helped countless individuals work towards their unique goals. With a mandate of increasing the level of independence for those with intellectual, mental and physical disabilities, staff at Key Industries strives to help their clients be confident and contributing members of the community.
                 
While government backing is an important part of what makes the organization’s many programs and services possible, additional funds are required to ensure the clients at Key Industries are able to continue working toward their personal objectives.

This is why the Key Industries Charitable Foundation was created; staff at Key Industries is able to concentrate on their clients and leave the essential matter of fundraising to another group.

Pwp_pic

The White Room all Done up for a Party!

To best approach the matter of raising funds, it was decided the Charitable Foundation would launch its very own capital campaign named Building a Brighter Tomorrow. Anyone interested in making a contribution can contact Campaign Coordinator Julia Bachman at 634-6888 ext. 109.

Hope to see you in The White Room on July 22.

For more information about FUSION Saint John monthly Parties with a Purpose, please contact us at info@fusionsj.com.

CONDUCT UNBECOMING OF A CITY COUNCILLOR

Last night I attended a neighbourhood meeting organized to inform and educate my community on a re-zoning application before city council. Councillor Bruce Court and Councillor Joe Mott were both in attendance (I assume by request) to listen to the resident's concern over the application. They kicked off the meeting by explaining that they could not offer an opinion to us as it would result in a conflict of interest when the time came to vote in council chambers, but they did want to offer their respect by attending. 

Initially, I was pleased they took the time to show up, and they did exactly as they said they would by sitting at the back of the room and took it all in. It was a fairly orderly meeting despite the unexpected high turnout, lack of an agenda, and high tension in the room. Overall, people were not thrilled with the re-zoning application, and as all these things tend to do, it devolved at one point into a group vent about poor snow removal and city services. We settled on a path forward, people volunteered, and we have an action plan. True grassroots organization at its best. That was until I heard shouting. 

Snapshot_2_13-07-2011_3-55_pm

This is during the second interval, Court is inches from her face

As people were mingling at the end of the meeting taking the rare opportunity to meet and catch up with neighbours I heard a lady yell "you assured me it wouldn't happen and it did!" I looked over to see a petite dark haired women and our East Side Representative, Councillor Bruce Court, in a very heated exchange. He was in her face, yelling at her, and pointing a finger at her nose. This went on for a minute or so, when eventually he put his hand, palm out, in her face and walked toward the front of the room. He spoke to the women who organized the meeting, brought her back to the petite dark-haired women, where he continued to yell at her for a further 30 seconds. He put up his hand again in her face, and walked out. She followed him and continued to yell, "You’re not listening to me". 

Somewhere in that exchange I gathered Councillor Court felt he was being called a liar, and she felt he had not represented her well. Regardless, this exchange was embarrassing and completely unprofessional! Under no circumstances should a city councillor lose their cool like that in a public place in front of other constituents. And he did lose it. I don't really care what his defence is; or what she said to him. If he can't handle the heat, he should not be on council. 

Snapshot_1_13-07-2011_3-54_pm
Ending the conversation and walking away

I would suggest to Bruce Court that he should resign immediately, and it is no wonder people are fed up with City Council. If that is our city representation at its best, I am mortified. Councillor Court, you should be ashamed of yourself and it is time to step down. 

 

SHOULD DUALITY BE A PRIORITY?

I feel compelled to weigh in on recent debates on the status of duality in the Province of New Brunswick. The following post is my opinion, and does not reflect the opinion of those organizations I work for, work with, or support. 

 

Today in Saint John's local paper, the Telegraph Journal, there is an article announcing that two New Brunswick Progressive Conservative MLA's have publicly apologized for asking questions about linguistic duality and official bilingualism within government institutions. The paper goes on to say that the President of the Acadian group is questioning the sincerity of the apology. 


I struggle with this article for two reasons. The first is that it is inconceivable to me that any politician should have to APOLOGIZE for questioning the status quo. If we are not allowed to question the status quo, regardless of whether or not it is ingrained in law, or the charter of rights and freedoms, how will we as a society ever progress or collectively develop understanding and norms? The second reason I struggle with this article is because I, like many other citizens of New Brunswick (and obviously our MLA's) question whether or not duality is important to the overall essence of New Brunswick. 

My understanding of the dual language system here in New Brunswick is that every citizen has the right to demand all public services in French or English. This means that we have two health authorities (one for each language), two school systems (one for each language), and in many positions within the provincial government, people must be bilingual to effectively fill that role. We must also offer speeding tickets in both official languages, and a myriad of other public services. 

I agree that it makes us unique, but I also have a sense of the immense cost, resentment, and competition this dual system creates in New Brunswick. I wonder if it is worth the unproductive and unhealthy tension this creates in its current form. For example, not all children emerge from the school system bilingual, creating an automatic disadvantage for living and working in the New Brunswick Public Service. Perhaps the public service is not the dream job, but we do know that these workers retire earlier and have access to better benefits than those in the private sector. In fact, you can not even work in New Brunswick as an RCMP officer without being bilingual.

Under the Graham government, support services in Health Care were streamlined to create efficiencies into two regions. Not one, but two regions. In this system there is still unnecessary duplication of services and it creates an unhealthy competition such as exists within the different cities and towns in New Brunswick. Rather than doing what is best for the province, the provincial government must cater to the two authorities like children, "you cannot give one what you cannot give the other" which often means neither gets anything. The costs of supporting these dual systems may be unsustainable, and perhaps are, (can I say this without be accused of being a bigot?), not the best use of public funds.  

This dual system also fosters resentment within French and English speaking populations and forces people to take sides. Both populations feel the other has more benefits and more opportunities. Occasionally, people end up in positions not because of their qualifications but because of their language abilities. 

I am not calling for the immediate end to duality, but I am calling for an unemotional analysis of the system as stands and whether or not it is truly critical to the essence of the province. Is it possible there is a better option? 

 

BREAKING THROUGH SAINT JOHN'S NEPOTISM

In the sunshine and surronded by signs of Canada Day, the University of New Brunswick Alumni Association annouced an exciting new project, The Bridge Network. It is a Mentoriship project which will connect students, alumni, and the communtiy, and it will assist international students in breaking through Saint John's nepotism.

Larry

Larry Hachey, Outgoing President of the UNB Associated Alumni, annouces the Bridge Network

Often, when I speak of nepotism, I receive a blank stare, but read on and you will recognize the concept. Neptoism is defined by Wikipedia as "favortism to friends or relatives regardless of merit". This concept is alive and well in Saint John where it is a combination of skills, experience, and who you know that will make settling here a successful endeavour. I am not suggesting that friends and relatives are not qualified to fill a position, but I am suggesting that in order to have your resume seen, and considered seriously, it certaintly helps to have a friendly face doing the reading. Saint John is not the only city which has deeply engrained nepotism, in fact in many cultures it is accepted and embraced as the best method for doing business. However, due to the size of the city, the strenght of history of its residents, it does present as a large challenge to newcomers seeking to settle here. 

Today's annoucement signals hope for those students seeking to make those critical connections. As Larry Hachey, outgoing president of the UNB Associated Alumni explained, 

"this project will be about connecting students to one of our 6000 alumni to allow them the opportuntity to explore different career paths, provide advice and encouragment when needed, and connect the students with strategic volunteer opportunities. The Career exploration and much of the mentorship will occur in a speed dating style, so our students have the opportunitiy to make connections with many of our alumni at once." Hachey also went on to recognize Saint John's nepotism by describing success in Saint John being defined as "who you know".

And, as if to demonstrate their committment to volunteerism, they also presented Jennifer Carhart, Principal of Hazen White St. Francis School a $25,000 cheque to put toward the redevelopment of their mentor room. A room used by student mentors from UNBSJ, as part of the Promise Partnership, who are assisting the elementary students in their school work, and allowing them to dream about postsecondary education. 

Presentation
From Left to right: Dr. Robert McKinnon, Principal Jennifer Carhart, Larry Hachey, and Councillor Peter McQuire

Come the fall, the UNB Alumni Association will be making further annoucements about timelines, volunteering, and its first intake. However, in the meantime if you want to get involved as a mentor please feel free to reach out to Mary Duffley, Alumni Program Manager: mary.duffley@unb.ca. I am very excited to see this project take place as I feel it is the link we have been missing to help our students make meaningful connections to our community. The spin off benefits are endless. 

 

PICTURES NEVER LOOK LIKE ME

Fusion2
So I hate having my picture taken. I know everyone else says that, but I really do dislike having to pose, to smile, and get close to people for the sake of the camera. The only pictures I have ever really liked of myself were my wedding photos, that is, until now. 

Fusion Saint John, a local civic minded youth group that I chair is revamping their website. It was mentioned that along with the fresh new look, fresh new profile pictures should also be taken. They should look consistent and fun. I groaned. I kind of liked the one I had, but it was several years old now so I knew it was time for a change. 

Thankfully for me, our incoming chair Kelly Lawson volunteered to take the photo in the uptown's historic White Room, 115 Prince William Street. Kelly's business motto is that she can prove that you are beautiful. Based on all those other photos which come out of me, but that I don't recognize as me, I was sceptical. Every time someone shows me a picture of me, I think, is that what I look like? Its not how I feel I look, its not the person looking back at me in the mirror.  

I had drug my grandmother around the night before the shoot looking for a solid shirt in a pretty color. The day of the photo shoot, I was supposed to be everywhere at once. I had talked my hairdresser, Pam at ASAP, into giving me a quick trim and do at 7:30am that morning. I had a meeting on campus at 9am, the photo shoot at 11am, and meeting my parents at the Airport at 11:30am. I was rushed, I was wearing shoes I didn't feel very steady in, and as Kelly said relax, I was a little cranky. Not to mention we had been out late the night before at the Life Live Awards, and I was still recovering. 

I blew in and out of the shoot, and pushed it out of my mind. Two weeks later I received the link to the pictures and ignored it for two days. An email was sent around requesting we choose our favorite; so I opened up the link, downloaded them and sent them to friends and family to choose. As I was getting their feedback I opened the photos to see which one was most popular. Turns out, I really like what I saw. 

This time, I know these photos are me. When I look at them I recognize my personality and who I picture in my head. 

Thank you to Kelly from Lawson Photography for really capturing my personality, and producing pictures that I am proud to share! She is producing some of the most beautiful pictures I have seen, and I woudn't hesitate to recommend her. 

Fusion1
Fusion_sarah
Fusion2
Fusion3

RELATIONSHIP HUMOUR

Yesterday I arrived home after working 8 hours on a glorious, sunny, warm, beautiful day to my very handsome hubby outside washing the vehicles without his shirt. The dog was all wrapped around his legs and it looked like the two of them had basked in the glorious weather for hours; taking turns tagging each other and playing catch. The dogs' tan colored fur shone and sparkled in the sun, and hubby gave me a big, white, toothy smile. This was heaven. I was so excited to go into the house, replace my work clothes with something more comfortable and get down to drinking beer in the sun. 

As soon as I entered the house my dreams were dashed as I dealt with stinky kitty litter, an unmade bed, dirty clothes everywhere, and tumbleweeds of pet hair floating across my laminate flooring. More annoying, the towel rack had yet to be fixed in the bathroom. The one, itsy (ok, one of two) requests I had for his days off. Four days off, and no towel rack fixed. Back on twelve hour shifts tomorrow for four days, and an open house on Sunday. Fan-Freaking-tastic! 

I spent an hour tidying up, and eventually got to sit outside with my newspaper and beer. I mentioned the towel rack. Our conversation went like this:

Me: "I thought you were going to fix the towel rack today"

Him: "I was, but it was so nice out"

Me: "But it needs to be done"

Him: "But you can vaccum any time, and do indoor stuff. It could be snowing, raining, it doesn't matter. But washing the cars it has to be nice out"

Me: "I asked four days ago'

Him: "It will be done tonight"

As I sit here typing this, it is not fixed. And I don't know how to or I would do it myself. But I choose to stay calm and work it out day after day. However, I found this blog from a friends facebook post which makes me think I should try her style. I had tears coming to my eyes...Read On!

Chicken6

This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy towels because I “just bought new towels“. Then I pointed out that the last towels I’d bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all “EXACTLY” and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour.

Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you“.   And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums.

Laura:  I think you need one of those.

me:  You’re joking, but they’re kind of horrifically awesome.

Laura: I’m not joking. We need to buy you one.

me:  The 5-foot tall one was $300, marked down to $100.  That’s like, $200 worth of chicken for free.

Laura:  You’d be crazy not to buy that.  I mean, look at it. IT’S FULL OF WHIMSY.

me:  Victor’d be pissed.

Laura:  Yup.

me:  But on the plus side?  It’s not towels.

Laura:  Yup.

me:  We will name him Henry.  Or Charlie.  Or O’Shannesy.

Laura:  Or Beyoncé.

me:  Or Beyoncé. Yes.  And when our friends are sad we can leave him at their front door to cheer them up.

Laura:  Exactly. It’ll be like, “You thought *yesterday* was bad?  Well, now you have a enormous metal chicken to deal with.  Perspective.  Now you have it.”

Read on, it gets funnier!